


Roundabout

by Cherry_Bomb_Bees



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-19 20:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11905278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Bomb_Bees/pseuds/Cherry_Bomb_Bees
Summary: And now for a fic involving my OC, Dr. Diaper, and some bizarre adventures.





	1. The New Science Teacher

This is George Beard, Harold Hutchins, Melvin Sneedly, and Honey Jasper. George is the kid with the tie and the flat top, Harold is the kid with the t-shirt and the bad haircut, Melvin is the one with the bowtie and cowlick, and Honey is the one with the hoodie and ponytail. Remember that now.

The group of kids were running for their lives, chased by two shining grey robots and an eccentric little man in a diaper.

But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this one.

Four weeks before this incident, Mr. Krupp fired Professor Pee Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants Esquire for almost taking over the world, forcing lobotomies on children, and because Benjamin said so. During said weeks, Benjamin Krupp was yet again on the search for a new science teacher. Fortunately, he got five callbacks. Unfortunately, he had a hard time nailing down one.

He heard his door open, and watched as five different candidates walk in and take their seats. 

The first one was a stout older man with grey hair shooting up high. He held a resume in hand, pulling it out of his white diaper. The second of the applicants was a towering young man with shiny brown hair, a pointy nose, one blue eye and one white eye, and a simple grey suit. He slammed his resume on the desk. The third applicant was a teenage girl with her long black hair tied back in a white ribbon except for her bangs, a white hoodie, grey shorts, and no shoes. She set down newspaper articles, a huge resume, and a degree. The fourth applicant was a balding redheaded man with glasses, a lab coat, and a snooty expression. He pulled out a Banana computer with his resume on file. And the fifth applicant rushed in late. He sported a varsity jacket, ripped black jeans, swooping blonde hair, and shades. He slammed the resume on file, covered in the smell of beer and football season.

Mr. Krupp cleared his throat. "Ahem" he began. "I see you five are _mostly_ ready to recieve an underfunded job. Now before I begin looking over, I must ask your names."

The first candidate introduced himself. "I'm Doctor Dichard Diaper, professional moon exploder"

"I'm Mister Sonny Eclipse" the second candidate bowed.

Our third candidate smoothly answered "Miss Honey Jasper, pleasure to meet you sir"

"I'm Mister Gaylord M. Sneedly. You probably know of my wondrous son Melvin, unlike the rest of these savages" the fourth candidate said. 

The last candidate burst out in laughter, then collected himself. "And I'm Chad Gameday bro"

Five minutes were spent as Benjamin skimmed through the basics of the resume. He opened the door and pointed at it.

"Mister Gameday, you're outta here, bub" Krupp pointed. "I'm not hiring someone who's only science credientials is **brewing alcohol**. For god's sake, this is an elementary school! Why did you even apply- oh wait, you said your little brother goes here."

The jock steamed in anger. He screamed "WELL FUCK YOU THEN, BITCH!" and slammed the door shut as he stormed out of the room.

"Now it says here, Mister Diaper, that you went to The Big College Of Building Stuff To Blow Up the Moon?" Krupp continued.

Dr. Diaper nodded "Yes yes, totally not a warehouse with two robots"

Benjamin squinted, then continued. "Am I reading this email right? 'ddiaperM00N@piqua.com?"

The elder nodded.

"Well, sorry not sorry, bub, but I'm not hiring someone who's only retiring in 3 years" the principal noted. "Now get out"

Dr. Diaper snarled at Benny, then left the building. The last three left all glared at each other.

"Hmm, now for you three..." Mr. Krupp pondered. "Let's see, there's one who graduated 3rd of 3000 from Generic State College, a graduate of Smart Guy State, and the valedictorian of- are you fucking kidding me?"

"Is there a problem, sir?" Mr. Eclipse asked.

Mr. Krupp replied "Oh no, just that- how does someone graduate from West Virginia University at only 12?!"

Sonny and Gaylord turned to Honey. She cleared her throat then began.

"Mr. Krupp, I come from a family of child geniuses" she replied.

After a quick lookthrough, Krupp had discovered that Sonny Eclipse spent 12 years in jail for attempted grand theft auto and Gaylord's records weren't clean at all. And now, Jerome Horwitz Elementary's new science teacher was an overeager thirteen-year-old from the biggest party school in America.


	2. Miss Jasper

Monday morning came by and the students trudged sadly into the elementary school. Harmonica solos flew through the air, adding even more of a prison feeling. The musical instrument stopped as a few coins fell into the hat.

"Wha-" the fifth grader gasped, surprised by all the change inside.

"Ey, keep it up kiddo!" a bold young voice chuckled. The student looked straight to the unfamilar girl, confused by her appearance in the school. "Krupp SAYS I should be 'giving out detentions' and 'banning creativity' but I'm letting this side. First day, after all" she rambled.

The student shrugged it off, trying to hide his beaming smile. He watched as the new girl made her way into the science room. She dragged suitcases in bold colors in her hands and towers of books atop her head and comically carried a slice of toast in her mouth as she kicked the door open and set down her various belongings. 

After quickly finishing breakfast and cracking her fingers, the new science teacher was ready to begin her first class.

"Oh, howdy kids!" she waved and greeted, causing all twenty of her students to look in confusion. "I'm Miss Jasper, and I'm ready to teach y'all some scien-"

Melvin shot a hand up, eyes lowered in frustration.

"Aren't you a little _young_ to be a teacher here?" he condescendingly asked, unimpressed already.

Honey took a deep breath in. "Yes. Yes I am. Now, I'll take role call, and explain all these shenanigans later. Candy Antebellum?""

A girl with straight red hair in a bob and a pink bow happily called out "Here!"

"George Beard?"

"Here" Harold called out, trying not to burst out in laughter with his best friend.

Five minutes later...

"Aaaand Melvin Sneedly" Miss Jasper finished her role call.

The child genius smugly smirked "Present."

"Well, that about covers part one. Now, any questions?" she asked the class, setting her stuff down and sitting on a dark grey chair. Honey folded her hands together, trying to appear friendly to the children.

Candy raised her hand and asked "How old are you?"

The ginger turned around and frowned. "You're not supposed to ask someone that!!" he snarled.

"And you're supposed to shut up!" she hushed.

Miss Jasper looked over. "Oh, interesting question, Candy! I'm only thirteen" she happily answered.

Another boy raised his hand. "Are you a student teacher?" he questioned.

"No, uhh" Honey Bee looked down at her class list. "Craig. I'm done with school, I just graduated last year"

"High school?" another kid asked.

The new teacher chuckled slightly, propping her legs on the desk. "Nope! Nine months ago, I was a WVU graduate. Now look at me!"

She moved her chair across the front of her classroom, opening up her vivid blue suitcase.

"Now who wants to see some basic chemistry?" she asked.

Only Melvin looked interested, happily nodding compared to the rest of the class.

She cleared her throat. "Now, I'm going to ~~steal one of Ms. Ribble's~~ get a bottle of Diet Coke, and- George! Harold!"

"Yes?" George asked, stuffing the tube of mints into Harold's hair as a makeshift attempt to hide the treat.

"Any reason you two have some mentos on you?" she asked.

Harold tried to explain himself "Well, w-we had some victory mints leftover and-"

"If it's fine with you two, could I have just a couple? If you do, I'll buy you both some more" she asked, hoping for a yes.

The two boys looked to each other and nodded, as George pulled the candy from Harold's bad haircut and handed the mints over to their teacher. She happily thanked the duo and rushed her class outside, still holding the candy and drink. 

But what Miss Jasper didn't know was that one of her former competitors for her job was hiding under plain sight. She convinently ignored the short little man in a bush disguise, completely unaware to what would happen next on her first day of teaching.


End file.
